In order to train our sons to be disciplined, we must 1st discipline ourselves as parents. We must STOP YELLING at our children, get off our butts, and MAKE our children do what they need to do. We need to STOP LECTURING at our children and MAKE them do what needs to be done. We need to STOP giving TIME OUTs and MAKE our male children do what need to be done the 1st time.
We need to STOP GIVING WARNINGS without consequences and MAKE our children do what need to be done. Otherwise, the police system or the streets will do the job.
And if you can't do it, find a MAN or group of MEN to assist you to do the job that you can't (or will not) do. And don't tell me that there are no men or group of men near you who will not work with your child. You have uncles, granddads, men in church, men at your jobs, men in your neighborhoods, etc. MAKE those men you associate help you or DISASSOCIATE yourself from them. I don't care if daddy is active in his life, too often there are Black males in trouble and daddy is active in his life. Be mindful, there are a lot of dads who don’t know how to nurture and be loving towards their sons.
Our Black males don't need spoilage, they need LOVE & DISCIPLINE. Spoilage and Love are two distinct things. Spoilage is rewarding bad behavior with gifts, freedoms, and privileges. Love is getting in that butt and STAYING there when he breaks one of your rules or disrespects you. LOVE is making him EARN his privileges and freedoms back when he breaks your rules. And I don't mean within a few days or a week after his violates your LAWS. LOVE is disciplining your child when you are TIRED AS HELL yet you KNOW that this MUST be DONE.
LOVE is reminding him who pays the mortgage/rent, telephone bill, purchase the food, and healing him when he's sick. Love is understanding that he's doesn't have an active dad yet it is NO EXCUSE for him not excelling in academics and in life.
Spoilage is overcompensating because his dad isn't around by buying him EVERYTHING. Spoilage is unconsciously handicapping his growth and development because you are attempting to ‘protect’ him from harm. You can’t save your son every time he gets into trouble. Sometimes you have to let him fall in order to learn how to get back up.
Love is teaching him how to be responsible, respectful, hard working and motivated. Love is teaching him that life can be cruel and painful yet he MUST persevere and EXCEL! Failure is NOT an Option!! And if you don't think you have the tools to teach this, FIND A PROGRAM THAT WILL DO THIS!!
Spoilage is allowing a GROWN AZZ Male to live in your house and not contribute to its upkeep and well being. Spoilage is saying 'I can't kick my baby out in the streets'. Love is giving your grown male a timeline and a deadline for getting his act together. Love is following through with your timeline and deadline. Love is MAKING your grown male child to contribute or KICK HIS A…. OUT!!
And just because your child is a teenager, he doesn’t need less amount of attention. Teenagers need just as much attention as a toddler. The only difference is that teenagers can earn freedoms to do things outside of their parents’ supervision. But they still require attention and discipline.
We have too many Black males (and a growing number of females) who are not growing up with discipline and maturity. And until we as parents change our mindset and get control of our emotional dysfunctions, our children will be destined to FAILURE. Lead with your head as well as your heart.
Too many folks think that this is a single parent household issue, it is not. There are too many males who come from 2 parent household who are just as dysfunctional as those who come from 1 parent household.
This is a collective problem for Black people no matter the social-economic status. It's time to put our BIG BOY DRAWS or a BIG GIRL DRAWS on and BE parents!! There’s no manual as to how to be great parents, but there are some elders and parents who are doing a great job. Again, if you need help ASK!! Closed mouth don't get fed.
#UUNIK #STEAMISummer #BoystoMen #YouthDevelopment
Author: Reggie Jenkins